Relationship Goals by Michael Todd Chapter 1 notes

June 1, 2020

Jay Hill

Book Notes

0

“Taking Aim”

  • His Why 
    • Because society sells an allusion of intimate relationship goals that’s more like a mirage
    • The things that we celebrate is based on illusions and are bound to fall
    • But there are trues about how and why human connection is so important and how we can achieve it
      about real relationship goals
  • Kindergarten & his first kiss 

 

  • Ciara, he kissed her straight on the lips ( inappropriate )
  • Nobody ever explained relationships to him as a child
  • Church didn’t teach him the right model of a relationship
  • Granddaddy of all rules: “Don’t have sex before you get married” This was the lesson that was taught to Todd about relationships
  • Get friends who aren’t bad influences. Another lesson the church taught him about relationships but nobody explained how to follow them or why you should follow them. That most people don’t think about church when they think about relationships.
  • Not too many models of successful relationships to follow as we should. (too many saints die lonely, and too many preachers travel the world for ministry but have failed marriages and no real friends.)- The church hasn’t done a great job at confronting real issues.

 

  • TV shows had more influence on how we looked at relationships, and our pursuit of relationships than pastors (EX; Will Smith “I know you must be tired, cause you been running through my mind all day”  

 

  • The Bible is actually the greatest source for relationship wisdom
  • Many people subscribe to the belief that’s its normal or okay to have had more sexual relationships than they have had cars that’s what happens when pursuing good times dating instead of faithful marriage in covenant

 

  • Wife Natally – December 14th 2001 at a rec center ( he was 15 she was 14)
    • Wanted to make her notice him did everything he could to get her attention. Eventually at the end of the night she called him over and asked for a hug. They dated for 8 years after that. Had a break then got married and now has 3 kids
    • They aren’t perfect but are progressing.

The Bible can make us minimize the pain and benefit from the reward but in order to do that you have to have a goal but in order to do this you have to have a goal.

  • A Goal: a goal is the result or achievement toward which effort was directed take away the goal what’s and what good is the effort

 

  • A key Issue that hinders people from their relationship goals is the fact that they don’t know how to aim.

 

  • Bathroom example: install urinals on the wall of the second-floor boys bathroom.
    • This made a lot of messes, and lowered the standard for everyone else. All the children made a mess so the next person felt no reason to aim in the toilet. (it’s no point of aiming when nobody else does.) This scenario looks a lot like how society views relationships. That damage is done and innocence is stolen. We start to ask ourselves whats the point of aiming at goals in relationship because there are so many divorces and broken relationships that it’s no point.
  • The Importance of having a goal
    • Having a goal without aim is senseless but having a goal without God is pointless
  • Relationship goals can and should change over time 
    • Ask yourself; What is your goal? The he suggest that you align your goal with God’s goals.
    • Rip up your list ( List of qualities you want from somebody}
    • If you have targets be open minded about if these are the right targets (you might need to reexamined them)- Its possible to have a target for your arrow that’s the wrong target.
    • Most of our list tends to be superficial and not what we need but what we want

 

  • Road trip example: Success for the journey only happens on a road trip if I give my phone the right destination (Put in the correct address in the GPS) Many of us are typing in our own destination for our relationships but not they are not necessarily the goals we should be pursuing we should follow a direction that will get us to a goal destination that we actually want to reach.

 

  • Proverbs chapter 14:12 “12 “There is a way that seemsright to a man, But its end is the way of death’ Everything that seems right isn’t always right.
  • Sara
    • met her she was still single passed the age wanted to be single
    • She had a list of requirements that men had to meet while she was dating. (come from a successful Home, have his own business, be a preacher, be able to tell jokes that make her laugh be athletic etc)
    • Good to take aim at relationship goals but have to make sure we have the right goals. Ones that will contribute to the life that we should be living. For this we have to go to the source
  • Gods Plan 
    • Gods plan was made for you before you were born.
    • God told the profit Jeremiah before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my profit to the nations (Jeremiah chapter 1:5)
    • An apostle said that we are gods masterpiece

(Ephesians chapter 2:10 (you’re a masterpiece | For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.)

  • Purpose – We all have purposes in life that we are supposed to fulfill,
    • All of our purposes together build Gods kingdom
    • Look at purpose in a context of what God is doing
    • What is God’s guideline or relationships that we need to follow so that we are doing it his way?
  • Our encouragement: it’s not all on us God teaches us how to aim at the right relationship goals

(Psalms chapter 32:8 The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.) the more we seek him the more we’ll find out what he wants from us the more we will want to pursue It

  • Cultures views on a relationship are a moving target
    • Says that marriage should look one way in this decade and another way in another decade
    • Dating use to imply going out somewhere now we have Netflix and chill. And don’t have to be committed to anyone to cross the line into private areas.
  • We have to have a goal that is stable enough for us to aim at
    • Only thing that is unchangeable is the word of god
    • Isiah verse 40:8 the grass withers and the flowers fade but the word of our god stands forever
    • Let the standards of your relationship be God’s word
    • Follow the stable bible model of our relationships instead of our own feeling and other people’s examples
    • The Temptation will be for you to compare what you need and want in relationships to others needs and wants
    • We all have different targets (your age experience and place in life is unique to you)
    • Challenge to take some time to think about your individuality and special calling in life and think about what you’re going to aim for in your relationship

 

  • Relationship Goal Examples (I need to break up with my abusive Bf, move out of our apartment and spend some time not dating anybody. I need to rediscover who I am and get back to God. etc.)

 

  • what do we really want to align with our relationship
  • ask yourself Where are you in your relationship journey? Quiet the loud cries of the culture picture of a relationship looks like and you might just hear God speaking to you

 

  • How to win in relationships

 

  • We spend a huge amount of time trying to pursue relationships that would be a mistake if we ever got them Trying to make bad relationships better
  • We should put our energy into having the best possible relationship in the first place
  • God helps us find the right targets and straighten our aim
  • Take aim at new relationship goals that help you fulfill your purpose in life
  • Set your relationship goals in partnership with God
Post by Jay Hill

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